The newly-formed “no-one” Party (New One-Off NonEntities) look set to take the country over in the forthcoming General Election in the UK.  In pretty much every previous election, more people have voted for no-one than for any other party.  No-one has noticed this – and so it has formed a party so that voters can register their preference.  At the launch today,  no-one said that “We are the party that gives a shit. Everybody knows that no-one gives a shit – so why not vote for us?”

Candidates will be selected by lottery – tickets go on sale tomorrow at £1 each.  This is seen as a win-win situation for no-one because of the minimal cost of administering the selection process plus generating money for doing very little.  No-one thinks this is a good way of selecting people for what are effectively safe-seats because “let’s face it: it can’t produces a bigger bunch of bozos than the current system.  In any case,  no-one will make sure they do a good job.”

The manifesto is simple: “no-one will be in charge!”.  And so – as soon as the election is over – no-one will knock off and go home until the next election.  A special hot-line will be set up, should anything vital arise,  to be known as “no-one cares“.  Of course no-one will answer the phone – no matter how trivial the matter is.

In between elections,  no-one will be looking into doing bigger and better things.  Sources close to no-one had indicated,  yesterday,  that they had plans to take over a complete country almost overnight as a trial-run.  Today,  this was confirmed by REUTERS: “Who’s running Haiti? No one, say the people“.   So the people have spoken and now it’s up to no-one to sort this out. Obviously no-one will be be to blame if it all goes tits-up.

Initial concerns were raised about the “Anyone” Party as a potential threat,  because of the likelihood that voters might be tempted to vote for “Anyone” if they had the choice on a ballot paper.  These fears were quickly dismissed by the party’s top-dog (known as no-one special )  “Ridiculous. ” he said, ” The voters are not gullible enough to believe that anyone is really interested in them“.