No-one to win next UK General Election!

15 Jan 2010

The newly-formed "no-one" Party (New One-Off NonEntities) look set to take the country over in the forthcoming General Election in the UK. In pretty much every previous election, more people have voted for no-one than for any other party. No-one has noticed this - and so it has formed a party so that voters can register their preference. At the launch today, no-one said that "We are the party that gives a shit. Everybody knows that no-one gives a shit - so why not vote for us?"

Candidates will be selected by lottery - tickets go on sale tomorrow at £1 each. This is seen as a win-win situation for no-one because of the minimal cost of administering the selection process plus generating money for doing very little. No-one thinks this is a good way of selecting people for what are effectively safe-seats because "let's face it: it can't produces a bigger bunch of bozos than the current system. In any case, no-one will make sure they do a good job."

The manifesto is simple: "no-one will be in charge!". And so - as soon as the election is over - no-one will knock off and go home until the next election. A special hot-line will be set up, should anything vital arise, to be known as "no-one cares". Of course no-one will answer the phone - no matter how trivial the matter is.

In between elections, no-one will be looking into doing bigger and better things. Sources close to no-one had indicated, yesterday, that they had plans to take over a complete country almost overnight as a trial-run. Today, this was confirmed by REUTERS: "Who's running Haiti? No one, say the people". So the people have spoken and now it's up to no-one to sort this out. Obviously no-one will be be to blame if it all goes tits-up.

Initial concerns were raised about the "Anyone" Party as a potential threat, because of the likelihood that voters might be tempted to vote for "Anyone" if they had the choice on a ballot paper. These fears were quickly dismissed by the party's top-dog (known as no-one special ) "Ridiculous. " he said, " The voters are not gullible enough to believe that anyone is really interested in them".

	comments . . .
15 Jan 2010 No-one special	I don't think it can be emphasised enough that we are the party that takes responsibility very, VERY seriously. No-one special will will have the ultimate responsibility for ensuring that no-one does things right! And everyone can be certain that if no-one gets things wrong then no-one will be dealt with VERY severely by me.
16 Jan 2010 John Bray	@john and No-one special: the fact that no-one has bothered commenting on this would seem to mean that no-one is pretty much guaranteed to win!